So, Flirty Office Guy and I have been cutting back on the out of office communications quite a bit over the last couple weeks, actually we haven’t been emailing in-office much either, but he’s been really busy and working late, so I try not to pull him away from his work to often.

We still spend our lunch hours taking long walks around the parking lot at work or down the road to the store for a few groceries and such. We chat about this and that and more recently about me attempting to get back into dating.  I was hoping this would light a fire under him to ask me out on a proper date… or at least to follow through on his offer to cook me a nice dinner, but so far no luck.

Last weekend he caught me on IM and asked if I had any hot dates, then proceeded to tell me about this hot little 27 year old red head he was looking forward to meeting (he’s 38). My heart sunk! I have been crushing on him pretty hard since we met at our office Christmas party and he knows this, but until that moment I didn’t realize how hard. I was jealous and it stung me bad!

So I have been mentally backing off on the thought that there was a chance for him coming around, erasing this line he holds with dating women at work, and actually asking me out. I told myself that he just likes me for the attention I give him and that I’m not even his type – based solely on the women he talks to on Facebook all being dark haired and size 2. Bitches.

Then tonight I see him on IM and shoot him a hello. The chat quickly turns to flirty to I’m not looking for a girlfriend straight to a proposal that we try being Friends with benefits. I played coy to his messages thinking he was teasing as he likes to do, but he was serious. I asked him if I was understanding him correctly that he isn’t looking for a girlfriend, but would like to have sex with me and if/when he does meet someone who he want as a girlfriend, I’d be cool about letting him go and remaining friends? Yep, that’s exactly what he meant.

My heart was racing and my hands were shaking. I was excited and nervous and angry all at once! Is he serious? Is this just a test to see if I am “easy”? I want it to be a test, but I know he is a guy and a very typical one at that! I informed him that he just lost rank in my book from “really cool guy” to “typical male” to which he replied he doesn’t care.  Arrggg I always fall for the cocky ones!!

I did not accept his offer as tempting as it may be. I know it’s on the table if I choose to, but I really need to think about this one for a while. I know we would have fun and I am sure it would be some amazing sex, but I’m afraid that emotionally I already have too much hope for more with him and I would be setting myself up for a world of hurt.

I do wonder what the possibility is of this happening and him feeling more for me as he got to know me more intimately? Can a FWB become a true lover?

Please don’t all virtually bitch slap me at once. This is a true dilemma! Especially since JB is gone and I don’t really have a dependable FWB. You have to admit they are handy to have around!

I have no birthday candles, lucky clovers or magic lamps, but I do have many wishes …
I wish I felt like someone’s one and only
I wish waiting didn’t always feel like forever
I wish my heart wasn’t so weak
I wish I could trust more easily
I wish I didn’t worry so much
I wish I could laugh more often
I wish being a girl didn’t come with mood swings & emotions
I wish I was more confident
I wish I was better at saying No
I wish I felt adored
I wish I was in better shape
I wish I had more courage
I wish I had more education
I wish money was no object
I wish for more vacation days
I wish my cat wasn’t the only Male in my bed at night
I wish I wasn’t so scared to be alone
I wish I had never broken someones heart
I wish I didn’t know what a broken heart feels like
I wish I knew what comes next
I wish my past wasn’t so full of regret
I wish my parents understood
I wish my car wasn’t making that funny noise
I wish I hadn’t been so quick to settle, when I knew I could have so much more.