In the world of Online dating there is much room for deceit and deception, sometimes unknowingly. We are hidden behind words and images hand selected to show us in our best light. We include our strengths over our weaknesses and post our most flattering pictures over those which we feel are not. We intentionally project our most attractive features in hopes of catching the interest of a potential mate.

But so easily a profile written by one individual could be read by another and interpreted in a completely different manner then intended by the author. It could be better, it could be worse.

It’s easy to bend the perception of others with creative writing and clever angles in our images, but we must keep in mind that what you see is not always what you get.

I’m an average girl. I fully disclose this information in my profile and I am always sure to have a recent full body shot in my images. I know I am not every one’s cup of tea, I’m no statuesque model, but I’m cute and dare I say sexy in my own way.

There seems to be a reoccurring theme with me lately where a guy find my profile, skims my self assessment and photos, then sends me a message because he’s interested. We start to chat and he becomes more engaged to the point of asking to meet me. Then he discovers that I am, in fact, merely “average”…something that I would have expected he’d research prior to asking me to commit to meeting.

Just yesterday I received an email from a guy I had exchanged a few messages with. We live close and we are close in age (my two pre-qualifiers to accepting a date). He asked if I would be interested in meeting for a drink on Wed after work. I responded with a yes and my availability, he responded with the location and confirmation on the time.

This was a perfectly executed proposal and I was looking forward to learning more about him, so as I was entering his number into my Cell phone I sent him a text to say Hi.

He responded and we started to swap more information about each other. He asked me about my photos and how recent they were. I don’t bother posting 10 year old images, what’s the point? I started to get the feeling he hadn’t really looked at my profile too closely and that it’s likely I’m not his type, so I offered up “I’m not tall and skinny if that is what you are looking for. I’m Average as stated on my profile and can be seen in my recent full body shot”

About 10 minutes passes and I receive a reply “I am Sorry. You have a great face, just too full figured for me. Thanks for chatting and good luck.”

Date Canceled.

I can’t be upset by this. He was honest and polite. I’m not what he is looking for. I did my best to portray my true self to the world of online dating, but his initial perception led him astray… thinking with the wrong “head” no doubt

For the record I am a size 14 – “Average” by US Standards. 38D/36/42. I don’t know if that means I am full figured or not, but I use the Average descriptive for body type in my profile… please do correct me if I am wrong on this! It’s much appreciated.

As you may have heard, I’m back in the dating game. Over the past few weeks I’ve spent countless hours sifting through what feels like hundreds of potential suitors, exchanging messages with those who pique my interest and responding with a polite “thanks, but no thanks” to those who don’t. Well, it’s only a matter of time before you hit a sore spot and unearth a Loser.

Last night as I logged into one of my online dating inboxes I was greeted with, not one, but two messages from a very sore loser. He’d initiated the communication the night before with a subject line “fun fuck buddy here” and included a pic of his cock. The body of his message informed me how he could go all night long … Now, if this guy had bothered to read my profile he likely would have been advised that I was not looking for this type of relationship and could have saved himself some time and embarrassment.

I replied with a simple statement of “thank you, but I am not attracted and I’m not looking for a fuck buddy”. I thought I was honest and to the point, but apparently I hit a soft spot.

His first response was “I agree, you are not attractive, fat, and may I add, delusional … time to hit the gym Miss Piggy lmao”. First off, Guys – let’s try and get some originality in these insults, because calling me Fat is hardly offensive to me at this stage in my life, and Miss Piggy is super sexy, so I’m having a hard time accepting this as anything but a compliment.

He followed up with a second message, just to be sure to cover all potential bases for insult, with “no suprise you’re divorced and live alone with 2 cats … obviously you hate men and are deluded into thinking you’re attractive – I actually feel kinda sorry for you”. Being the mature woman that I am, I responded “and you, sir have an ugly cock!…I wouldn’t touch it if it was in a bubble!! Ew!!!”

As they say, it takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch, and while I was quite amused by all of this, I’ll be taking the read & delete approach with those I have no interest in for a while.

How do you handle sore losers?

It’s been a while since I’ve encountered a bad kisser, and Local Guy is undeniably bad.  He purses his lips and pecks. Peck, peck, peck.

We had plans to meet for the first time on Thursday, but the weather caused us to reschedule. Since we had yet to speak on the phone I decided he could call me. As we got to know each other better he began asking some very specific questions about where I work and I told him it was making me a little uncomfortable, but then it came out that he grew up with a guy who used to work with me and I was really close to. Based on that I was already feeling very comfortable about our 1st date.

Thanks to snow I was forced to base my 1st date outfit on my snowboots, so when things were going well at coffee and he asked if I wanted to grab a drink elsewhere I told him I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a bar dressed as I was, but he could come over for a couple beers at my place if he wanted to hang out.

He was acting really nervous and I jokingly asked “am I intimidating you?” to which he replied “Only a little”. I don’t get it at all. I am just a girl, a normal girl…what is so intimidating? I think I am easy to talk to and comfortable to be around, but he was totally not relaxing.

We watched tv, had a few beers and chatted about this and that. Slowly he started to relax and we even moved to touching and holding hands… it was nice and  he has these amazing hands… warm, strong hands. We eventually started to doze off on the couch and I had to get up for a lunch date with JJ, so I sent him home.

The next day I wake up and shoot him a text message about what a nice time I had and asked what he was up to later. Turns out he was planning a movie and more couch time with me

He arrives and greets me with a peck. I pour some wine, pop in the movie, which we end up chatting over and not really watching. and then we eventually get to the point of the night where he comes in for a kiss. Peck, peck, peck…. ugh. “Really? Is that what you got?” I huffed at him. I think it shocked him, but up to this point I was totally open and honest about everything, so if he was paying attention to my personality it shouldn’t have disturbed him much.

He may have potential, but do I have the desire to train? He is very handsome, but so shy and insecure. I need a man who shows what he wants and to quote my earlier tweet “if you can’t kiss me like you wanna f*ck me, then you’re never getting invited to.”

I haven’t fully dismissed Local Guy, but I’m still on the dating train and waiting for my next stop.

Last night Office Guy came over for dinner, shared a bottle of wine and spent the night with me. This is the second time we’ve spent an evening like this since deciding to add benefits to our friendship. Over all the time we spent together was amazing. We talked, we laughed, we cuddled on the couch and yes… we got intimate (my favorite part

I sent him off this morning after making sure he had a hot shower and a good breakfast, he thanked me for a wonderful time and kissed me goodbye. Then I got lost. I spent most of the morning nursing a bit of a hangover and thinking about the conversations we had the night before.

If you’ve been following along on twitter or my previous posts then you know how hopeful I’ve been that this relationship will develop into something substantial. OG is truly the type of guy I want in my life, but repeatedly he informs me that he’s “not looking for a relationship” which is fine for now …. until he asks what is going to happen when he finds a girlfriend or I find a boyfriend? I have asked him over and over again not to say this to me the way he does, but it keeps happening.

I understand that he is trying to ensure I remain realistic and things will not get crazy or awkward between us, but I can’t help but feel insulted by the way he approaches this question and I wish he could see how hurtful it is to me personally. It’s the one thing I would change in him if I had that ability.

I can accept that he is not looking for a girlfriend “in me”, I still enjoy his friendship and the benefits and have no intention of changing our relationship, but I wish he would just say it like it is. If he is trying to protect my feelings he’s doing a lousy job. How can I make him understand that what he is doing is causing unnecessary emotions and insecurity in me?

Time to get back to reality. . .

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching I’d expect that a single chick, such as myself, to be putting in a little effort into alerting cupid that I am totally available… but I’m not. I feel no pressure, thankfully (at least not yet and I realize this could change in the next 10 min).

Things are progressing, albeit slowly, with Office Guy. I am taking it as a good sign that I received a drunk text from him over the weekend indicating that he was showing off my pictures to his sister, who he is very close with. To back this up I also received a text last night while watching the Grammys. An artists came on who we’d recently discussed and just as I was thinking of sending him a text about them I received one from him. I am on his mind and it’s a nice place to be.

We haven’t discussed anything related to Valentine’s day, but I already know he is not free that weekend. He’s a single dad and that happens to be a weekend with kid. Also, I don’t want spook him with any requests to spend time even if it’s a “platonic” non-date date. He has repeatedly expressed how he enjoys my company, what little we spend and the fact that he is reaching out to me outside of work as much as I him has me quite content with letting things just happen when they happen.

I’ve pretty much ditched all the other guys I’d been talking to, except The Boy.. who *is* just a toy and a very fun one at that. He’s got quite a packed schedule with School and a new job, but managed to make a house call this past weekend. We’ve reached the point where we have zero inhibitions with each other. I know his buttons and love to push them… from his reactions he seems to love it too

My online dating profiles are gathering dust and I’ve only logged on a few times over the past month to exchange messages with Rabbit, an agoraphobic (or as I like to pronounce it – angora.phobic – thus the nick name Rabbit). He came clean during our first phone conversation that he has this irrational fear of driving places, but assured me it was only long distances and traveling alone. It didn’t scare me off right away, but add to that his dislike of Seafood and much of the music I listen to and I just didn’t see us having a future. It was apparent to him that I was dismissing him and he begged a little that I would try to see past it all and “like him”, but that just showed him as insecure and un-confident, not too attractive when you already have some major strikes. What really sealed the deal were the multiple times he told me I reminded him of his Ex wife. Next!

As if the Rabbit wasn’t enough to send me into hiding from the male population for a while…. an old high school friend has been sending me flirty Facebook messages. I’d like to refer to him as Triple Nipple and yes, he had three nipples! I say had, because after scanning his photos it appears he has had it removed. I am still traumatized from the night I got an up close and personal look at it. As if it wasn’t bad enough that I was in a relationship at the time, he was dating my best friend, and he was drunk and throwing himself on me at a party… when he cornered me in a dimly lit bedroom and tore his shirt off I was shocked! He acted like it was no big deal… seriously!? Ew.

So, no I am not Looking for Love, I do not need a Valentine. I’m content (for now).

I am curious to know what you all have planned for the Big day of Love… I’ll happily live vicariously though you!

It had been a week since OG proposed a FWB arrangement and I was still bothered by the way he introduced the subject. I spent a fair amount of time mentally debating, as we women do, searching for the strength to dismiss him or a loop hole to jump into and run with it.

I finally came to the decision that I no longer wanted to “think” about it…I want to get closer to OG and despite every one’s great advice and my own desires to find a legitimate boyfriend in 2010…I’m not ready to dismiss him.

I can hear you all shaking your heads at me… that’s fine, it’s totally understandable. I am sure to learn my lesson eventually and not be so selfish, but I’m still young and I want to be carefree and have fun!

So I took a time-out and sent OG a serious email. I told him that I didn’t want make a decision… I just wanted to see where things go with us, that we are both adults and I feel we could have a lot of fun with each other behind closed doors (we already know we are sexually compatible). Most importantly I told him I was upset about the way he made me feel when he told me he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but in his FWB terms he stated that if either one of us got involved with someone else we would respect that and remain friends.

I let him know that I took this personally and while I realize I am not every one’s dream girl it made me feel rejected, not something I deal with well. I’m scarred (thanks Ex!) and while I realize this is just an insecurity I need to work on, I need him to recognize and respect it “as my friend”.

When pressed send I had no idea what kind of response I would get, if any. I was sure this would send him running for his life. Instead I received an equally serious and heartfelt message. He apologized to me and admitted that he too is scarred from his past relationships, and while he is not ready for another right now he is attracted to me, I’m totally his type and he thinks I’m cute, sexy and really enjoys spending time with me. *Swoon*

We agreed to continue our “relationship” (his words!!) as friends and see where things go. I can’t ask for anything more then that and I respect his hesitation in getting involved with me – a chick from the office, who isn’t even officially divorced yet. I am so glad that I came clean to him and that he was able to be honest with me about his own feelings.

Since our discussion he walks a little more closely to me and flirts just a bit harder. It feels nice. It feels like something is really growing between us now, I feel like there is a chance for me and that I can talk to him open and honestly, which for me is a really big deal.

And now for the part where I come clean to you! Are you ready????

Tomorrow night OG is coming over. He offered to help me install and hang my new curtains and in exchange I offered to order out dinner. He’ll bring the wine and already asked permission to crash on my couch in-case we drink too much…Yes, you all know where this is going…and I wont deny it! So slap away!!

To be continued….

So, Flirty Office Guy and I have been cutting back on the out of office communications quite a bit over the last couple weeks, actually we haven’t been emailing in-office much either, but he’s been really busy and working late, so I try not to pull him away from his work to often.

We still spend our lunch hours taking long walks around the parking lot at work or down the road to the store for a few groceries and such. We chat about this and that and more recently about me attempting to get back into dating.  I was hoping this would light a fire under him to ask me out on a proper date… or at least to follow through on his offer to cook me a nice dinner, but so far no luck.

Last weekend he caught me on IM and asked if I had any hot dates, then proceeded to tell me about this hot little 27 year old red head he was looking forward to meeting (he’s 38). My heart sunk! I have been crushing on him pretty hard since we met at our office Christmas party and he knows this, but until that moment I didn’t realize how hard. I was jealous and it stung me bad!

So I have been mentally backing off on the thought that there was a chance for him coming around, erasing this line he holds with dating women at work, and actually asking me out. I told myself that he just likes me for the attention I give him and that I’m not even his type – based solely on the women he talks to on Facebook all being dark haired and size 2. Bitches.

Then tonight I see him on IM and shoot him a hello. The chat quickly turns to flirty to I’m not looking for a girlfriend straight to a proposal that we try being Friends with benefits. I played coy to his messages thinking he was teasing as he likes to do, but he was serious. I asked him if I was understanding him correctly that he isn’t looking for a girlfriend, but would like to have sex with me and if/when he does meet someone who he want as a girlfriend, I’d be cool about letting him go and remaining friends? Yep, that’s exactly what he meant.

My heart was racing and my hands were shaking. I was excited and nervous and angry all at once! Is he serious? Is this just a test to see if I am “easy”? I want it to be a test, but I know he is a guy and a very typical one at that! I informed him that he just lost rank in my book from “really cool guy” to “typical male” to which he replied he doesn’t care.  Arrggg I always fall for the cocky ones!!

I did not accept his offer as tempting as it may be. I know it’s on the table if I choose to, but I really need to think about this one for a while. I know we would have fun and I am sure it would be some amazing sex, but I’m afraid that emotionally I already have too much hope for more with him and I would be setting myself up for a world of hurt.

I do wonder what the possibility is of this happening and him feeling more for me as he got to know me more intimately? Can a FWB become a true lover?

Please don’t all virtually bitch slap me at once. This is a true dilemma! Especially since JB is gone and I don’t really have a dependable FWB. You have to admit they are handy to have around!

…or something like that.

I woke up this morning quite emo and filled with fearful thoughts of the year(s) ahead. I wish I could put myself in the frame of mind that today is just another day, but I am feeling very overwhelmed by the pressures of Ringing in the New Year as a happy occasion when on the insides I’m not all that happy.

Last night I had a 3rd date with Simon. He has been asking me to get together for weeks, but I just haven’t been into it. I ended up accepting and invited him to join me and some other friends for dinner. I figured if he really wanted to see me he’d do what ever I wanted to do and that he did.

It was a great time, he fit right in and I think we all had fun, but I just wasn’t into it. I tried to play the role of good date and make him feel wanted. I even gave him a few kisses, which I knew he had been greatly looking forward to since our last date, but they lacked even the slightest hint of passion and pleasure for me.

Scientifically Simon is a perfect match for me – he is handsome, has a great sense of humor, fun personality, good dresser, owns his own home, has a good job and a very nice car… just to name a few of my minimum requirements. So why is it I am so uninterested?

The truth is I am just simply not interested in dating anyone right now; I’m not even interested in a casual encounter with The Boy or Magnum despite their efforts to maintain relationships of that nature with me. A few days ago I proclaimed I was jumping back into the dating pool, but that ambition fled quickly and I have no desire to find it again any time soon. This lack of interest happens from time to time and I am sure that once we get over this New Year hump I will start feeling the desire to be social once again…at least I am hoping so.

In closing this post and this crummy year I will say that I am looking forward to 2010 as a year of healing, happiness and embracing my independence. Oh and if Flirty office guy should decide that he is madly in love with me that would be great too!

I thank you, readers, for all your support over this past year on behalf of SingelGal and myself and for your continued friendship and support in the coming year. May 2010 be the year that kicks all other year’s asses!

*cheers*

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and not for lack of experiences to share. This time of year is always so crazy at work and I haven’t been able to take any time out to clear my head and dish… so here goes!

Things with Ex aren’t so great and I have had to put him on the DTM list. It sucks to have no other options, I tried to remain friends with him, but he couldn’t put in the minimal effort to maintain that relationship either. I really had hoped this wouldn’t happen, but I refuse to let him continue to cause me frustration.

Another addition to the list is JB, who had been my Friend w/ Benefits since early June. I had some hopes that we might become more, but knew that being a single dad with a full time job, night school and part time work on weekend limited his time for dating. Then I found out he was “dating” someone and it all changed. He’s since decided he didn’t like her after all and wants me to take him back. Not happening.

Magnum came around recently…even brought me flowers!, but he’s another one with a busy schedule and no time to date me properly. The Boy has been busy with school and I haven’t been reaching out to him too much. If he wants to see me he knows where to find me. Simon reaches out to me every few days to tell me he’s thinking of me and hopes we can get together soon, but I haven’t really made much effort to make plans with him.

Now enter Flirty Office Guy. Had seen him a few times passing in the hall or in the break room getting coffee, but never really knew who he was or what his story is. Well, we got a little chatty at the office holiday party and I gave him my number. Since then we’ve been texting daily. I bring him coffee in the morning and we’ve started taking walks at lunch time.

He mentioned early on that he has a rule about dating women at work, but agreed that we could be BFFs. It’s starting to look like he may be willing to break his own rule. Astrologically we are a perfect match, but he seems to be hesitant to get involved, despite how much he loves to tease me and enjoys my teasing back.

I’m hoping with a little patience and persistence I can turn him around. Either that or I’m going to have to not give him a choice in the matter He’s agreed to cook me dinner, so that’s a start!

I’m so hopeful about Flirty Office Guy that none of the others even matter right now. I have no desire to check my dating profiles or to make any plans with Magnum, The Boy, or Simon. So wish me luck!! …and Happy Holidays!!!

Be warned…I’m here to rant.

Nothing pisses me off more then when a guy sends me a text message out of the blue making a statement of some sort that is totally random and OBVIOUSLY meant for some one else.

If you can’t be responsible enough to maintain your contacts and select appropriately when sending messages then leave me the hell off your list!

….And if you DO happen to accidentally text me when you meant it for someone else… SAY SO! Don’t just pussyfoot and ignore my response. You just initiated a conversation (of sorts) and you have a responsibility to either continue by making small talk or admit your mistake and close it.

This is major points off guys. Major.