In the world of Online dating there is much room for deceit and deception, sometimes unknowingly. We are hidden behind words and images hand selected to show us in our best light. We include our strengths over our weaknesses and post our most flattering pictures over those which we feel are not. We intentionally project our most attractive features in hopes of catching the interest of a potential mate.

But so easily a profile written by one individual could be read by another and interpreted in a completely different manner then intended by the author. It could be better, it could be worse.

It’s easy to bend the perception of others with creative writing and clever angles in our images, but we must keep in mind that what you see is not always what you get.

I’m an average girl. I fully disclose this information in my profile and I am always sure to have a recent full body shot in my images. I know I am not every one’s cup of tea, I’m no statuesque model, but I’m cute and dare I say sexy in my own way.

There seems to be a reoccurring theme with me lately where a guy find my profile, skims my self assessment and photos, then sends me a message because he’s interested. We start to chat and he becomes more engaged to the point of asking to meet me. Then he discovers that I am, in fact, merely “average”…something that I would have expected he’d research prior to asking me to commit to meeting.

Just yesterday I received an email from a guy I had exchanged a few messages with. We live close and we are close in age (my two pre-qualifiers to accepting a date). He asked if I would be interested in meeting for a drink on Wed after work. I responded with a yes and my availability, he responded with the location and confirmation on the time.

This was a perfectly executed proposal and I was looking forward to learning more about him, so as I was entering his number into my Cell phone I sent him a text to say Hi.

He responded and we started to swap more information about each other. He asked me about my photos and how recent they were. I don’t bother posting 10 year old images, what’s the point? I started to get the feeling he hadn’t really looked at my profile too closely and that it’s likely I’m not his type, so I offered up “I’m not tall and skinny if that is what you are looking for. I’m Average as stated on my profile and can be seen in my recent full body shot”

About 10 minutes passes and I receive a reply “I am Sorry. You have a great face, just too full figured for me. Thanks for chatting and good luck.”

Date Canceled.

I can’t be upset by this. He was honest and polite. I’m not what he is looking for. I did my best to portray my true self to the world of online dating, but his initial perception led him astray… thinking with the wrong “head” no doubt

For the record I am a size 14 – “Average” by US Standards. 38D/36/42. I don’t know if that means I am full figured or not, but I use the Average descriptive for body type in my profile… please do correct me if I am wrong on this! It’s much appreciated.

As you may have heard, I’m back in the dating game. Over the past few weeks I’ve spent countless hours sifting through what feels like hundreds of potential suitors, exchanging messages with those who pique my interest and responding with a polite “thanks, but no thanks” to those who don’t. Well, it’s only a matter of time before you hit a sore spot and unearth a Loser.

Last night as I logged into one of my online dating inboxes I was greeted with, not one, but two messages from a very sore loser. He’d initiated the communication the night before with a subject line “fun fuck buddy here” and included a pic of his cock. The body of his message informed me how he could go all night long … Now, if this guy had bothered to read my profile he likely would have been advised that I was not looking for this type of relationship and could have saved himself some time and embarrassment.

I replied with a simple statement of “thank you, but I am not attracted and I’m not looking for a fuck buddy”. I thought I was honest and to the point, but apparently I hit a soft spot.

His first response was “I agree, you are not attractive, fat, and may I add, delusional … time to hit the gym Miss Piggy lmao”. First off, Guys – let’s try and get some originality in these insults, because calling me Fat is hardly offensive to me at this stage in my life, and Miss Piggy is super sexy, so I’m having a hard time accepting this as anything but a compliment.

He followed up with a second message, just to be sure to cover all potential bases for insult, with “no suprise you’re divorced and live alone with 2 cats … obviously you hate men and are deluded into thinking you’re attractive – I actually feel kinda sorry for you”. Being the mature woman that I am, I responded “and you, sir have an ugly cock!…I wouldn’t touch it if it was in a bubble!! Ew!!!”

As they say, it takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch, and while I was quite amused by all of this, I’ll be taking the read & delete approach with those I have no interest in for a while.

How do you handle sore losers?

It’s been a while since I’ve encountered a bad kisser, and Local Guy is undeniably bad.  He purses his lips and pecks. Peck, peck, peck.

We had plans to meet for the first time on Thursday, but the weather caused us to reschedule. Since we had yet to speak on the phone I decided he could call me. As we got to know each other better he began asking some very specific questions about where I work and I told him it was making me a little uncomfortable, but then it came out that he grew up with a guy who used to work with me and I was really close to. Based on that I was already feeling very comfortable about our 1st date.

Thanks to snow I was forced to base my 1st date outfit on my snowboots, so when things were going well at coffee and he asked if I wanted to grab a drink elsewhere I told him I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a bar dressed as I was, but he could come over for a couple beers at my place if he wanted to hang out.

He was acting really nervous and I jokingly asked “am I intimidating you?” to which he replied “Only a little”. I don’t get it at all. I am just a girl, a normal girl…what is so intimidating? I think I am easy to talk to and comfortable to be around, but he was totally not relaxing.

We watched tv, had a few beers and chatted about this and that. Slowly he started to relax and we even moved to touching and holding hands… it was nice and  he has these amazing hands… warm, strong hands. We eventually started to doze off on the couch and I had to get up for a lunch date with JJ, so I sent him home.

The next day I wake up and shoot him a text message about what a nice time I had and asked what he was up to later. Turns out he was planning a movie and more couch time with me

He arrives and greets me with a peck. I pour some wine, pop in the movie, which we end up chatting over and not really watching. and then we eventually get to the point of the night where he comes in for a kiss. Peck, peck, peck…. ugh. “Really? Is that what you got?” I huffed at him. I think it shocked him, but up to this point I was totally open and honest about everything, so if he was paying attention to my personality it shouldn’t have disturbed him much.

He may have potential, but do I have the desire to train? He is very handsome, but so shy and insecure. I need a man who shows what he wants and to quote my earlier tweet “if you can’t kiss me like you wanna f*ck me, then you’re never getting invited to.”

I haven’t fully dismissed Local Guy, but I’m still on the dating train and waiting for my next stop.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching I’d expect that a single chick, such as myself, to be putting in a little effort into alerting cupid that I am totally available… but I’m not. I feel no pressure, thankfully (at least not yet and I realize this could change in the next 10 min).

Things are progressing, albeit slowly, with Office Guy. I am taking it as a good sign that I received a drunk text from him over the weekend indicating that he was showing off my pictures to his sister, who he is very close with. To back this up I also received a text last night while watching the Grammys. An artists came on who we’d recently discussed and just as I was thinking of sending him a text about them I received one from him. I am on his mind and it’s a nice place to be.

We haven’t discussed anything related to Valentine’s day, but I already know he is not free that weekend. He’s a single dad and that happens to be a weekend with kid. Also, I don’t want spook him with any requests to spend time even if it’s a “platonic” non-date date. He has repeatedly expressed how he enjoys my company, what little we spend and the fact that he is reaching out to me outside of work as much as I him has me quite content with letting things just happen when they happen.

I’ve pretty much ditched all the other guys I’d been talking to, except The Boy.. who *is* just a toy and a very fun one at that. He’s got quite a packed schedule with School and a new job, but managed to make a house call this past weekend. We’ve reached the point where we have zero inhibitions with each other. I know his buttons and love to push them… from his reactions he seems to love it too

My online dating profiles are gathering dust and I’ve only logged on a few times over the past month to exchange messages with Rabbit, an agoraphobic (or as I like to pronounce it – angora.phobic – thus the nick name Rabbit). He came clean during our first phone conversation that he has this irrational fear of driving places, but assured me it was only long distances and traveling alone. It didn’t scare me off right away, but add to that his dislike of Seafood and much of the music I listen to and I just didn’t see us having a future. It was apparent to him that I was dismissing him and he begged a little that I would try to see past it all and “like him”, but that just showed him as insecure and un-confident, not too attractive when you already have some major strikes. What really sealed the deal were the multiple times he told me I reminded him of his Ex wife. Next!

As if the Rabbit wasn’t enough to send me into hiding from the male population for a while…. an old high school friend has been sending me flirty Facebook messages. I’d like to refer to him as Triple Nipple and yes, he had three nipples! I say had, because after scanning his photos it appears he has had it removed. I am still traumatized from the night I got an up close and personal look at it. As if it wasn’t bad enough that I was in a relationship at the time, he was dating my best friend, and he was drunk and throwing himself on me at a party… when he cornered me in a dimly lit bedroom and tore his shirt off I was shocked! He acted like it was no big deal… seriously!? Ew.

So, no I am not Looking for Love, I do not need a Valentine. I’m content (for now).

I am curious to know what you all have planned for the Big day of Love… I’ll happily live vicariously though you!

It had been a week since OG proposed a FWB arrangement and I was still bothered by the way he introduced the subject. I spent a fair amount of time mentally debating, as we women do, searching for the strength to dismiss him or a loop hole to jump into and run with it.

I finally came to the decision that I no longer wanted to “think” about it…I want to get closer to OG and despite every one’s great advice and my own desires to find a legitimate boyfriend in 2010…I’m not ready to dismiss him.

I can hear you all shaking your heads at me… that’s fine, it’s totally understandable. I am sure to learn my lesson eventually and not be so selfish, but I’m still young and I want to be carefree and have fun!

So I took a time-out and sent OG a serious email. I told him that I didn’t want make a decision… I just wanted to see where things go with us, that we are both adults and I feel we could have a lot of fun with each other behind closed doors (we already know we are sexually compatible). Most importantly I told him I was upset about the way he made me feel when he told me he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but in his FWB terms he stated that if either one of us got involved with someone else we would respect that and remain friends.

I let him know that I took this personally and while I realize I am not every one’s dream girl it made me feel rejected, not something I deal with well. I’m scarred (thanks Ex!) and while I realize this is just an insecurity I need to work on, I need him to recognize and respect it “as my friend”.

When pressed send I had no idea what kind of response I would get, if any. I was sure this would send him running for his life. Instead I received an equally serious and heartfelt message. He apologized to me and admitted that he too is scarred from his past relationships, and while he is not ready for another right now he is attracted to me, I’m totally his type and he thinks I’m cute, sexy and really enjoys spending time with me. *Swoon*

We agreed to continue our “relationship” (his words!!) as friends and see where things go. I can’t ask for anything more then that and I respect his hesitation in getting involved with me – a chick from the office, who isn’t even officially divorced yet. I am so glad that I came clean to him and that he was able to be honest with me about his own feelings.

Since our discussion he walks a little more closely to me and flirts just a bit harder. It feels nice. It feels like something is really growing between us now, I feel like there is a chance for me and that I can talk to him open and honestly, which for me is a really big deal.

And now for the part where I come clean to you! Are you ready????

Tomorrow night OG is coming over. He offered to help me install and hang my new curtains and in exchange I offered to order out dinner. He’ll bring the wine and already asked permission to crash on my couch in-case we drink too much…Yes, you all know where this is going…and I wont deny it! So slap away!!

To be continued….

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and not for lack of experiences to share. This time of year is always so crazy at work and I haven’t been able to take any time out to clear my head and dish… so here goes!

Things with Ex aren’t so great and I have had to put him on the DTM list. It sucks to have no other options, I tried to remain friends with him, but he couldn’t put in the minimal effort to maintain that relationship either. I really had hoped this wouldn’t happen, but I refuse to let him continue to cause me frustration.

Another addition to the list is JB, who had been my Friend w/ Benefits since early June. I had some hopes that we might become more, but knew that being a single dad with a full time job, night school and part time work on weekend limited his time for dating. Then I found out he was “dating” someone and it all changed. He’s since decided he didn’t like her after all and wants me to take him back. Not happening.

Magnum came around recently…even brought me flowers!, but he’s another one with a busy schedule and no time to date me properly. The Boy has been busy with school and I haven’t been reaching out to him too much. If he wants to see me he knows where to find me. Simon reaches out to me every few days to tell me he’s thinking of me and hopes we can get together soon, but I haven’t really made much effort to make plans with him.

Now enter Flirty Office Guy. Had seen him a few times passing in the hall or in the break room getting coffee, but never really knew who he was or what his story is. Well, we got a little chatty at the office holiday party and I gave him my number. Since then we’ve been texting daily. I bring him coffee in the morning and we’ve started taking walks at lunch time.

He mentioned early on that he has a rule about dating women at work, but agreed that we could be BFFs. It’s starting to look like he may be willing to break his own rule. Astrologically we are a perfect match, but he seems to be hesitant to get involved, despite how much he loves to tease me and enjoys my teasing back.

I’m hoping with a little patience and persistence I can turn him around. Either that or I’m going to have to not give him a choice in the matter He’s agreed to cook me dinner, so that’s a start!

I’m so hopeful about Flirty Office Guy that none of the others even matter right now. I have no desire to check my dating profiles or to make any plans with Magnum, The Boy, or Simon. So wish me luck!! …and Happy Holidays!!!

I had a discussion with SingleGal the other day on the topic of kissing. I’ve kissed a few boys in my life, but I really only remember two that were enjoyable.

I’m not saying all the others were bad kissers, because for the most part I think they have all been pretty good, but they just weren’t memorable.

Ex and I never really made out. Our relationship lacked passion and intimacy so coming out of that I thought that I would enjoy kissing more then I’ve been discovering I do.

It feels so robotic and un-special even if I am really into a guy. There are no sparks, no fireworks and it just doesn’t do anything for me, which makes me really sad.

I don’t want to be a dead fish in the arms of a man and I wonder what they feel when they kiss me? I can only assume they have no idea that when we are in the act I’m thinking about those cute shoes I want to buy, how I need a haircut or what I need to pick up for groceries.

Maybe it’s just me. Am I totally desensitized after going years with out it? Is it my approach or the fact that (if I like him) I will let a guy kiss me pretty early on? I don’t want to continue to “fake it” and get nothing out of it, I want to feel it and leave each kiss wanting more and more.

Do tell me what advice you may have for me, if any. Am I just going through a phase or should I take this as a sign that I am kissing the wrong boys? Will I ever get that week in the knees feeling again???

It takes me some time to digest an experience. It took me a good year before I could reflect on the aspects of my marriage that truly pertained to me, and relationships are no different. I’m in a happy and healthy relationship currently, and I pleased as punch. But, the year mark is rolling around again, and I’m getting reflective. Trust me – this is a good thing.

Reflective about what? Well, my  last relationship. I met my Ex-BF (”Darwin”, for anyone who has been following along on Twitter for some time) this time last year. I met him online, as is often the case, and recall that my first reaction was: he’s not my type. I want to take a moment to reflect upon some of those “warning signs” that I recall from along the way. And I should preface this that just because there are “warning signs” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give a relationship a chance. It just means you should learn from the experience, in the end.

To start with, Darwin was incredibly affectionate right away. This is generally an instant turn-off to me just by nature of my personality. I believe affection should be earned, and not given just by virtue of your existence on this planet, so I’m always a tad weary. This was Warning Sign #1.

Next, there was how Darwin spoke of his Ex Wife. Now, I know – Ex’es aren’t exactly going to win any prizes for “Most Liked”, but in general, he never stated what it was that was “wrong” about her. Just that she was a miserable person (and, she probably was). Now granted, he didn’t have to share his thoughts and feelings on his Ex with me, but he didn’t wish her well. He really, really didn’t wish her well. And that, to me, was pretty alarming. Thereby, making this Warning Sign #2.

Third was the way  he conducted his personal relationships. Darwin didn’t have any friends, didn’t want any friends, and in general, couldn’t seem to find the value of people in his life. There seemed to be a real emotional barrier there. What made this weird is that there were some people in his life who cared for him very deeply – I met them. I saw this. And yet,  he refused to accept these individuals as anything more than “acquaintances”. This concerned me because how you treat others in your life is pretty representative of how you might be treated. And when I got caught up in the emotional off switch, I couldn’t have been more right …

Lastly, Warning Sign #4 was  – when Darwin was done, he was done. Believe it or not – it wasn’t a bad relationship. Truthfully? It was a great relationship. I had a lot of fun, I blossumed emotionally, the sex was amazing. But he took that all away from me in an instant but telling me within a day or two of the break-up that I, essentially, meant nothing. Honest? Sure. Necessary? I’m not so sure. I could have looked back at this relationship as a defining transitional moment in my single life. Instead, I’ll always view him as an emotional imposter that made me weary and distrustful for a long time.

So, like I said: not to say that “Warning Signs” mean a No-Go, but they need to be recognized and reflected upon. I knew about each one of these (well, except the last one) as the relationship was going on, and it gave me that uneasy feeling along the way. As I look back now, I can see why I would be cautious of these again.

What are your warning signs?

No sooner had I settled into my new apartment when suddenly my dating profiles felt like they were on steroids!

Averaging 3-5 new inquiries a day between POF and OKC has become exhausting to keep up with. Is there something in the dating water? Who let open these flood gates of men!? I’m merely one single chick just getting acclimated to this whole scene.

I’ve been taking a new approach and rather then spending time exchanging emails, texts and phone calls I’m jumping in full force and going straight to the “Coffee Date”.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am not taking every guy up on his offer to meet… I still have to weed them out a bit.

So far in the month of November I have been on 5 first dates. There was Hot-Rod – the lives at home, collecting unemployment, no cell phone guy who mentioned marriage 2 too many times for me and looked much hotter in his pics. Next we met The Lawyer – Anti-Cell phone, no Internet, tri-athlete who I knew was wrong from the start, but we had such great banter from the start that we rushed to meet, but on our second date it became apparent that he was just looking for something casual and with an hour & half distance between us, I can’t see how it will work. Then along comes Dr Seuss – who seems a little anxious, but totally overlook-able considering he is a massage therapist and how desperately I need one of them in my life… at the end of the first date he offers to get us a room so I can get my massage, which I declined, followed by an offer to go out to his van where his seats fold down AND he’s got tinted windows! Really!????

Not the best run, but I’ve now found myself interested in two men on opposite sides of the spectrum -  Mo-Mo is older, has a very good job, drives a super sexy car and just purchased a new home. The Boy is 11 years younger, still in college, just lost his job and lives at home.  While Mo-Mo is handsome and stylish he is not the kind of guy I have ever been attracted to and I fear that I am being superficial and letting his accomplishments influence my interest in him.

The boy is very much the type of guy I go for, but the age is an underlying issue for me. He reassures me it’s not a big deal and I know that as long as two people are happy it shouldn’t matter what age they are or what people outside of the relationship might think… but I’m already worried about the what if – I have to meet his family, I want him to meet mine?

So now is the question… what am I really looking to gain here? Am I looking for a boyfriend? Occasional dates? Can I continue to date and juggle with out feeling like I am being unfair or instilling false hopes in these guys? And why does it bother me so much to let a guy pay? I always feel weird about when the check comes, despite whether I want to see the guy again, am I supposed to offer to pitch in or leave a tip?

Still so much to learn about dating and honestly, I think it’s driving me to  find a boyfriend so I don’t have to deal with it any more. I like that security, I want the monogamy.

I’ve met a man who I would seriously like to date. I’m in total like with him right now. We’re some what opposites and as the saying goes we totally attract. We have similar personalities and have been playing into the “one up” challenge of wit in our conversations, which thus far seems to be keeping us both amused and intrigued.

At first I thought he was just toying with me as I was him. We exchanged quite a few friendly messages before he dropped some hints that he liked me and was interested to meet. I had felt that he was a little  abrasive and I may not be someone he’d consider in his league so I was a bit oblivious to the fact that he was actually pursuing me.

As we continue our exchanges and learn more about each other he tells me about how much he hates cell phones. Initially it was explained that they inhibit getting to know someone and he feels it’s rude to bring one on a date. I am not against this opinion at all and I feel that if I am serious about someone and the conversation is good the last thing I’m thinking about is checking my cell.

We initially connected through OKC, which had suggested we were both into Technology. I’m wondering how on earth they derived that conclusion from his profile as I get to know this man who hates cell phones, doesn’t have Internet connectivity in his home, just got his first ipod, and hates twitter and the likes of social networks.

Still, he’s totally got my attention and hopes for a future date… or seven   He is handsome, has a very good job, his own place, he is athletic, older and wiser, witty and funny and sarcastic, he meets my minimum height requirement, and he appears to have made a very good life for himself, tho admittedly he is lonely.

I just don’t know how I will survive without the ability to send him a text at random just to let him know I am thinking about him, or being able to reach him if I have something I need to talk about or want to share with him. I know relationships have survived lifetimes with out the instant gratification of connectivity we have today, but can I? Can we?

We shall see… this could be good for me, a separation from my digital dependencies, a re-connect with human kind pre-interwebs. I’m open to trying new things, so why not old school things things too?

Wish me luck!