Gone Phishin’

Singlegal

There’s a phenomena out there that I’m sure a far more clever blogger has given a far more clever name, but for the purposes of my post, I’m going to call it “Gone Phishin’”. What is this, you ask? It’s when a man (or woman, but I can only speak from my experiences, so we’re going to go with man) that you’ve previously had sex with initiates some form of communication to see if you are still available for sex. Go ahead – run to the Urban Dictionary and see if this has already been defined (I’m curious, too).

Case in Point: Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. Nice Guy and I had a brief relationship during summer until I ran shivering from his house in need of a scalding shower and a pint of Rocky Road. I emailed Mr. Nice Guy to let him know that I would not be seeing him again, and that I hoped he had a nice life. He replied that he was disappointed but understood that my interests lied elsewhere. Fast Forward four months: I receive an “out of the blue” email from Mr. Nice Guy, asking me what’s going on and wishing me a New Year. I respond that things are well; I’ve spent the holiday with my boyfriend (careful not to say “new” boyfriend and imply that he was ever an “old” boyfriend) and that all is well.

I never heard back from Mr. Nice Guy, and I’m sure not one of you is surprised. Why? Because Nice Guy had just Gone Phishin’. We’ll presume his sexual well is dry, and that in an act of desperation (or perhaps, logistics), he’s returning to the previous pool of fish to see if there is any he can still pluck from. I’m thoroughly amused by these efforts and can honestly say I’ve Gone Phishin’ on occasion once or twice, although I will say for me, it was before I was married. Let’s face it, when you’ve had some sex you like (or, in the case of Mr. Nice Guy, a warm body probably would have sufficed), then why not see if that door is still open? For all he know, he might have caught me in a moment of horny desperation. And you really can’t blame a guy  for trying.

My longest running case of Gone Phishin’ is Mr. Office Affair. He and I hooked up in, um, the office more than 12 years ago when I was in college. A return to my homeland prompted a message from Facebook, and we met up for coffee. While Office Affair is still a good guy at heart, his life is a moving train wreck with no scheduled stops in sight. While I remember the sex being quite good, I have no interest in hoping aboard the Drama Express for a trip down Memory Lane. Yet still, I systematically get instant messages from Office Affair hoping to “catch me”, and to “get together” to “see what we’re doing”. I’m either really memorable, or the well of available females is drying up in this area. Somehow, I doubt it’s either.

So, I’m not here to criticize the Gone Phishin’ technique – just more to highlight that it exists, and not to fall for it if a former paramour is suddenly interested in your whereabouts or life events. Chances are, they really aren’t. They are more concerned by the potential color of your underwear and to see if you can still do that thing with your tongue. Like me, I hope you can all find both flattery and amusement in the efforts to reconnect by a former lover, and perhaps even more pleasure in knowing that frankly, you just aren’t interested.

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