Marathon of Meetups
GoodbyeGal
No sooner had I settled into my new apartment when suddenly my dating profiles felt like they were on steroids!
Averaging 3-5 new inquiries a day between POF and OKC has become exhausting to keep up with. Is there something in the dating water? Who let open these flood gates of men!? I’m merely one single chick just getting acclimated to this whole scene.
I’ve been taking a new approach and rather then spending time exchanging emails, texts and phone calls I’m jumping in full force and going straight to the “Coffee Date”. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not taking every guy up on his offer to meet… I still have to weed them out a bit.
So far in the month of November I have been on 5 first dates. There was Hot-Rod – the lives at home, collecting unemployment, no cell phone guy who mentioned marriage 2 too many times for me and looked much hotter in his pics. Next we met The Lawyer – Anti-Cell phone, no Internet, tri-athlete who I knew was wrong from the start, but we had such great banter from the start that we rushed to meet, but on our second date it became apparent that he was just looking for something casual and with an hour & half distance between us, I can’t see how it will work. Then along comes Dr Seuss – who seems a little anxious, but totally overlook-able considering he is a massage therapist and how desperately I need one of them in my life… at the end of the first date he offers to get us a room so I can get my massage, which I declined, followed by an offer to go out to his van where his seats fold down AND he’s got tinted windows! Really!????
Not the best run, but I’ve now found myself interested in two men on opposite sides of the spectrum - Mo-Mo is older, has a very good job, drives a super sexy car and just purchased a new home. The Boy is 11 years younger, still in college, just lost his job and lives at home. While Mo-Mo is handsome and stylish he is not the kind of guy I have ever been attracted to and I fear that I am being superficial and letting his accomplishments influence my interest in him.
The boy is very much the type of guy I go for, but the age is an underlying issue for me. He reassures me it’s not a big deal and I know that as long as two people are happy it shouldn’t matter what age they are or what people outside of the relationship might think… but I’m already worried about the what if – I have to meet his family, I want him to meet mine?
So now is the question… what am I really looking to gain here? Am I looking for a boyfriend? Occasional dates? Can I continue to date and juggle with out feeling like I am being unfair or instilling false hopes in these guys? And why does it bother me so much to let a guy pay? I always feel weird about when the check comes, despite whether I want to see the guy again, am I supposed to offer to pitch in or leave a tip?
Still so much to learn about dating and honestly, I think it’s driving me to find a boyfriend so I don’t have to deal with it any more. I like that security, I want the monogamy.
Tags: bad dates, coffee dates, Dating, good dates, OKCupid, plentyoffish
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There is a difference between the guy you want and what you need, so here’s a question for you – having just moved into your own place – what do you need right now? And who fits that the best?
I think to find the answer about both guys, it’s going to take a little time. I wouldn’t necessarily write off someone because of the age difference, and I know this is something that hasn’t appealed to you in the past, so I’m assuming there is something really “special” about this guy. I guess time will tell if the “age difference” will really work out and if you’re having fun and hanging out with someone nice in the meantime, then that’s a good thing.
If you are on a streak – keep going with it! That’s what dating is all about.
Here is the proper answer on the paying issue:
Always be prepared to pay for your portion of the date. Always always always. When the check comes, reach for your purse and say something like “Let me help you with that.” See how they react. If they accept then pay your portion (which is what you were already prepared to do, of course). If they turn you down, ask if they’re sure. If they are, put your purse down, then look them directly in the eye and say thank you.
It’s foolproof. If the guy didn’t intend to pay then you didn’t just leave them in the awkward position of asking you for money. If they did intend to pay, then they now know you are dating them and not their wallet. And you’re gracious and good-mannered because you thanked them.
I agree all three of these… and want to add age is not anything unless you make it something and if you’re interested in someone because of their accomplishments that’s fine too, it is part of who they are after all. and sometimes we women are attracted to the ‘provider type’ I once started to crush on a guy simple because he mentioned he was thinking of buying a house… I hadn’t thought of him like that until that exact moment.
If you stop looking for a boyfriend you’ll find one. It should happen naturally, its more likely to stick
Much Love
I’m a little different from most women when it comes to the first date payment policy, but I usually insist on splitting the bill because I don’t want the guy to feel like I “owe” him something as well as because unless I know for sure I want to see him again, it seems wrong to ask him to pay for a wasted date. I generally only let the guy pay the first time if I’m 100% sure I want another date AND if I know that he’s doing really well financially so that it’s not a burden. But that’s just me.