Kiss and Tell
GoodbyeGal
I had a discussion with SingleGal the other day on the topic of kissing. I’ve kissed a few boys in my life, but I really only remember two that were enjoyable.
I’m not saying all the others were bad kissers, because for the most part I think they have all been pretty good, but they just weren’t memorable.
Ex and I never really made out. Our relationship lacked passion and intimacy so coming out of that I thought that I would enjoy kissing more then I’ve been discovering I do.
It feels so robotic and un-special even if I am really into a guy. There are no sparks, no fireworks and it just doesn’t do anything for me, which makes me really sad.
I don’t want to be a dead fish in the arms of a man and I wonder what they feel when they kiss me? I can only assume they have no idea that when we are in the act I’m thinking about those cute shoes I want to buy, how I need a haircut or what I need to pick up for groceries.
Maybe it’s just me. Am I totally desensitized after going years with out it? Is it my approach or the fact that (if I like him) I will let a guy kiss me pretty early on? I don’t want to continue to “fake it” and get nothing out of it, I want to feel it and leave each kiss wanting more and more.
Do tell me what advice you may have for me, if any. Am I just going through a phase or should I take this as a sign that I am kissing the wrong boys? Will I ever get that week in the knees feeling again???
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I’ve kissed a couple girls in my time and I have to say:
- When you start (too early, etc.) seems to mean nothing.
- No one person is a great kisser. Best you can be is half of a great pair of them.
- Bad kissing means bad… well… lots of things. It’s important.
I didn’t know I’d been kissing bad (well… mismatched) kissers for a long time. Then I kissed someone and we leaned back shocked, gasping for air like our scuba tank had malfunctioned. I’m never settling for less than that.
Advice? Stick to your guns. Understand really what you like. Some of us guys are mature enough to be taught and interested enough to learn what you like. And that can go a long way.
Best of luck o/
You’ll get it again, but it can take work. Sometimes just not kissing until you feel like it yourself, and sometimes even if you like a guy the chemistry just isn’t there.
Recovering from a relationship can leave a lot of scars that we don’t realize until later. Some of those scars might manifest in blocking yourself from enjoying something you want or normally would.
Give yourself time, relax and let it come naturally. Can you live without kissing? sure.. so relax and just let it be fun. If you want, if you can find a willing subject.. try turning the tables on him and you be the one deciding the kissing or not kissing.. take control.. tease him with your lips.. You’ll find you love the way he reacts and start enjoying it yourself.
I think we are conditioned to expect that we are going to “feel” something with each and every person we kiss. In truth (and I’m not being bitter), but the older we get the more ALL of our feelings get desensitized, and that goes away. We just don’t have the emotions like we used to. I think about how I craved “excitement” at the age of 20, whereas now, “comfort” is far more appealing to me. Not to say you won’t feel something again – I just wouldn’t expect it to be fireworks and flames
Hey. Your post really strikes a chord with me.
Sometimes I feel similar as a guy. It took me ages to figure out but (hope you are not the same). I don’t like kissing girls that I am not very attracted to.
From talking to my sister she feels the same. Sometimes she is on a date and feels like she should let the guy kiss her even though she doesn’t really want to. She’s indifferent to kissing them.
What you need to do is cute out dates that are with guys that you aren’t attracted to.
It may mean less dates, but at least they’ll be with guys you want to kiss.
Hope this helps
I partly agree with SingleGal. I think much of the excitement of kissing when we’re young is that it’s new. We haven’t felt this way before or, at least, not that many times before, and there’s still this sense of adventure about it that makes it so much fun. As we get older, we’ve likely done it so many times that it’s not as interesting as it used to be.
That said, I’ve been surprised at how kissing someone I click with on all levels can still get my heart pounding. I just think it’s a rarer event, one requiring all our planets to be aligned, because kissing just for the sake of kissing lost its allure for me years ago.
So, I think it’s still very much possible for you to feel that thrill again with someone new, but it might be the kind of thing that only happens once in a blue moon. I guess that’s a roundabout way of saying that maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet, the one who you’re not only physically attracted to but also emotionally and mentally in sync with, who seems like exactly what you want (and not at all what you don’t), and who makes you feel confident in yourself while inspiring confidence in him.