Five Dating Dos – with Me
Singlegal
I’m a little quirky.
Yeah, I know it. We all are in our own special ways. But I was reviewing my “dating” experiences for this past year, and reading some Tweets, and came to some realizations that I thought I would share. I call them The Five Dating Do’s – and they are some things that not everyone will agree with me on, but here goes:
DO Shake My Hand when you first meet me. Yes, it’s a formal and professional gesture, but it shows me that you are a guy with manners and panache. After having one guy attack me with his lips BEFORE our date – that’s right, before – I prefer the old-fashioned greetings, as un-date-like as it can sometimes seem.
DON’T Call Me Pretty. Just don’t. It’s a very personal action to comment on someone’s look when you first meet them. And there are plenty of women who like this – and I don’t fault them! But in truth, it makes me uncomfortable. It sets this weird tone to our date like I’ve been stamped with some sort of approval. I like the subtlety much better. Oh – but it’s OK if you call me pretty later.
DON’T Call Me. On the phone. I suck at the phone and I readily admit it. If you want to “talk” ahead of time, I’ll overcompensate with giddiness and giggling that is not representative of me. Let’s email. Let’s chat. But let’s not talk. And for you doubters, I have made it through entire relationships without ever once talking on the phone. It can be done.
MAKE Me Wait. By this – I mean let’s put a good chunk of time between date one, and date two, and date three. Maybe a week? I just like to digest a good experience. And I am really, really trying hard not to rush into things. I tend to set up “false judgments” if dates are lumped together quickly. So, let’s kick back, relax, and take a load off in between meetings. There’s plenty of time to lift this ban later on.
MAKE No Commitment. It’s like the above – I like to digest. So, if you leave the date, and we don’t discuss a next one, it’s fine by me. I’ve got to check myself against false expectations (and alcohol) and that takes a good 24 hours. So check in the next day, if possible (don’t wait *too* long) and let me know how you feel.
Hey – it’s dating for a new Generation! These rules aren’t all the time, 100% of the time, but it’s working for me as of late!
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Traditional etiquette says that a man never shakes a woman’s hand unless she offers it first. You may want to keep that in mind.
“Pretty” is one thing, but I never mind being told that I look nice. That’s a common ice breaker, and frankly, I like hearing it!
ohhh… good to know! Thanks Britney.
I absolutely love this list and I definitely agree with many of the points in this post.
Thanks Jessica!
#1 and #2? Eh, I don’t mind so much (in fact I find hand shaking TOO formal)
but #3, #4, & #5? YES, YES, AND YES!!!! omg love, love, love these!
But hey, I’m quirky too
Quirky Rocks! Embrace your dating freak flag. Not sure why the “pretty” thing freaks me out like it does. I should probably read some Dr. Phil to find out
This is an awesome list, I think most guys need to read this, so they can have some understanding how to handle women on a first date especially if they are newly single.
Appreciate that, Dina. I realize all women are different and poor guys have the rough job of figuring each of us out. I don’t envy their position!
You’re weird. LOL
I like the shake hand/kiss on the cheek so I can get a sense of his smell and how soft his skin is – two important features of a man to me.
I’m a sucker for compliments but I am horrible at accepting them. I appreciate when a man tells me I look just like my pictures since so often they can be misleading. A casual reference to my looks is nice too.
I need instant gratification and while I am not big on getting a phone call immediately after, send me a nice little thank you text or email – something that says you are still thinking of me and interested in seeing more … otherwise, let me know in the same manner if you are not.
I’ll have to do my own little list I suppose
Yes! You should – I think it would be interesting for us to compare notes. I agree that I like to find out – say the next day or two – that things went well and he’s interested in seeing me again. But I guess ON the date, I find to be a little awkward, probably thinking more in terms of the times when I was NOT interested in seeing someone again, and wasn’t sure how to indicate so.
I can really related to the no phone thing. I HATE phone calls and had a hell of a time explaining to the wimmin swooning over me that, “Yo, I don’t do phone!” And they would be like,
“Well, what if I-”
NO
“But it was jus-”
NO
“Say I fell and bro-”
I SAID NO
Seriously, I hate phone calls. Let me (t)[s]ex(t) you up, girls of my past. I know I have a great voice, but you can hear it in person when I say, “Make a sammich now,” or if you’re lucky when I say, “Feet. Hurt.”
Ahhh, well, I’m glad I’m married. I don’t even own a phone. I can just yell/IM/hand signal to my wife. Works out well and keeps me off the phone.
You aren’t the only guy I know who hates the phone. I just feel like that time has passed … and I’m glad!
The first meeting hand-shake is a kiss of death, I think a hug has to be at least be the acceptable introduction to someone you see as having dating potential before you’ve met.
The world needs more hugs!
The world does need more hugs.
But not by me. Boys have cooties.
I agree on the phone bit. I used to talk for hours on the phone when I was in my teens. It was pretty natural and I could go on and on. I did have a thing where I couldn’t just sit still though. I pretty much walked around the room or house while talking.
These days, in person is great, but I can’t stand the phone. Email, chat, little texts, all are fine, but the phone bothers me for some reason. And with my tendency to want to walk around while talking, I get fed up with it even quicker.
Have to disagree on the waiting part. While that might be a decent rule in theory, I had to completely demolish that rule last time I got involved. It was less than 24 hours. And it ended up being the most perfect thing I could’ve done.
Yeah, I figure my method isn’t for everyone. It’s largely for my benefit too – I’m really not accounting for the feelings of the other party! But, like I said – this isn’t 100%, it’s just a hopeful most of the time
You forgot the sixth dating Do: “DO have a love of bacon, cupcakes, swan choking, and People’s Court”!!!
Re: handshake – this is all about body language. You say you want a hand shake, but guys who exude confidence can get away with almost anything. I used to shake hands, but now I greet with a high-5 and fist bump, then grab her and hug her. She’s totally not expecting it, laughs and immediately feels more comfortable with me.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by SingleGal: New Blog Post: Five Dating Do’s – With Me. http://www.suddenlysingles.net/?p=929…
Lists like this make me nostalgic for etiquette! Or pseudo-nostalgic, I guess. It’s not like I grew up in an era in which it really existed. Sometimes I think we’d all be a lot better off in the dating world if we had retained some modicum of etiquette. None of that ridiculously restrictive stuff our great-grandparents had to muddle through, but just basic stuff like how to properly greet someone on a first date, who should pay, who should be responsible for calling about a second date, and stuff like that. As it is now, because everyone has such different ideas, it leads to a lot of miscommunication, I think.
Also, I share your distaste for the phone and for basically the same reason! I find that I become giddy and silly because it makes me uncomfortable that I can’t see the guy, and unless the he’s really chatty, it’s also way too hard to think of entertaining things to say!
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