The Email
Singlegal
It’s been a rough week with many different things going on at many different levels. For some reason, in all of this, the daily emails with Ex have been irking me. Yes, we still email daily, usually just to say “hello”, catch up on our cats, or just see what’s going on in each other’s lives. I’m not hiding the fact that this was a source of comfort to me when it shouldn’t have been. That Xing the Ex out of my life scares me like a clown in a Funhouse. But I also realize that this is my year of change. And if I’m going to clean house, I’m going all the way. My email went a little something like this:
Dear Ex,
I realize now that we’ve been talking on an almost daily basis since the divorce. I’ve also come to realize that’s it’s time to let me know. Your relationship with Same-Name GF seems to be flourishing, and you should embrace it in every way possible. You’re living a life I can’t even daydream about at this present moment, and I think you need to give it your all.
I’ve also told myself that I will never be one of those “other” woman you engaged with the entire time you were with me. I hope you are giving this relationship your heart and your all and that it turns out to be what you’ve always wanted, and what you’re looking for. It’s all any of us can hope for, right?
Ex replied that he felt like he was punched in the stomach, but that he understood.
I felt very scared, but more so, relieved. I know this is something I should have done months ago (and tried to, once before), but now it’s done. and in the end, what I feel, is a bit more at peace. And that’s something.
There was a day
You threw our love away
Then you passed it to someone new
You wanna stay
But since you wanna play
We can finally say were through
~ “The Wind Blows” All American Rejects
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Just right off the bat, you didn’t follow the cardinal rule. Once ending a relationship, cut ALL ties. But I do applaud you for finally taking the final step there. Until those ties are cut, we can never truly start healing from within over the broken relationship. You still go through the 5 step grieving process when you end a relationship. Unfortunately by keeping close ties with the ex, you were preventing some of those steps from happening. Its one thing to have the occasional contact, but daily was very unhealthy.
I know the coming weeks, or even months might seem hard but in the end it will help you become a better person as you continue through life there.
I’m not even going to preach about DTM right now. What irks me about this situation is that your ex is the one who walked and he’s been USING YOU as an emotional crutch. And you’ve been letting him. Not only is the situation not beneficial to you, but it continued for his own selfish purposes.
Good for you for stepping back. Please stay stepped back. He needs to deal with his new reality in the same way that you’ve been forced to deal with yours. I am not feeling very sympathetic about that either.
I, too, was conversing too often with my ex and somehow became the “other woman.” I finally had to cut ties and I have never felt better.
Good for you for having the courage to free yourself from an emotional entanglement that was holding you back! It’s not easy to do, but once it’s done, there’s such a sense of liberation, and any lingering feelings fade so much faster without the constant reminders, or so I find.
My ex and I were best friends before we ever started dating and we have kids together as well so I can’t cut ALL ties. He says he wants to “just be friends” but he won’t listen to me if he doesn’t like the answers. Ah well.
But I know for a FACT I don’t want him back. You just have to take a good hard look at what someone has done to you and admit that it will happen again as long as you give them the chance. As for me, not interested. Don’t mind being a friend. I’ve got lots of friends I’d never marry. Just have to know where your boundries are. If you feel too attatched, let him alone. If you can cut that part off and you are comfortable with his moving on as well as your’s, its your decision.