Who I Am… A Singlegal

Singlegal

“So, who are you?”

Seems like such a relatively innocent question, but in the weeks since I’ve dived in full force to “online” dating, it’s been posed to me again and again.  Who are you? What’s your thing? What makes you tick? It’s all variations and versions of the same – so allow me to indulge for all of you. Please feel free to dissect and critique – and if someone can explain why I generate such interest from Cancers, I’m all ears.

Dear Potential Date:

I am Singlegal. I am a relatively independent thirty-something with a career in public service that will generate lots of satisfaction but make it so I’ll never be wealthy. I’m of average intelligence but due to good articulation and an affinity for large words (thank you, GRE test) I appear more intelligent than I am. I value smarts in my suitors but don’t require a Rhodes Scholar or Harvard Grad: rather, I appreciate that you are interested in learning about new things, and make an effort to do so. I want someone who can broaden my horizons about even the simplest matters, from car parts to the opera. I want to walk away from a conversation having learned something new from you – and you, from me.

I am not “sweet” or “cute”. I know you may mean these things as compliments, but if and when you say them to me, I will think you are referring to someone else. I have lots of fine qualities – I am generous, I am kind, I am attentive, and I am thoughtful. But “sweet” does not fit. I am direct almost to a fault, and nary a work of sugar drips from my lips. I’m a happy person but I’m not a  smiler. And, I simply am not “cute”. I can’t pull off pony tales or berets. I hardly wear accessories, and my looks are average, at best. I curse like a trucker. I am not putting myself down: this is simply the facts. If you call me “cute”, I will think of ponies and puppies. I will think of girls who wear lots of pink, and who are bubbly and outgoing. Be appropriate in your selection of adjectives, and for god’s sake, don’t say things you don’t mean because you think they will impress me. They won’t.

I am needy in ways you may find hard to discern. I am generally independent, and years of a distant marriage have made me able to amuse myself in a variety of ways. You may think I don’t “need” you or “want” you – and that is not the case. Rather, I need you fish out those stubborn ways I have adapted myself. When I cry quietly at night (an art I have almost perfected), I want you to know that I am sad. I want you to recognize that I may not be telling you everything I need to say, and patiently badger me until the floodgates open. I want to be able to cry on your shoulder and not worry about the fact that I am an ugly cryer (seriously, I am) and have you hold me tight and not let go until we both feel better. I fear that someday, I will become too independent – and I want you to know that and pull me into you.

In me, you will find a fierce loyalty. You will find I have a temper that arises only when it truly needs to, and that I am even keeled and fair minded. Yes, I may get easily frustrated, but I am also reasonable, and open lines of communication will make it so we can always be on the same page. I won’t turn my nose up if you go out with you friends. I won’t get jealous if you look at another woman. I’m not sure I even know how to play “games” and I can be generally engaging and funny. I’d like to think my attributes far outweigh my flaws, and I hope that you will learn to love all that is me.

In courting me, I want you to email every so often and call when you say you are going to call. I can assure you I will lose interest VERY quickly if you have no follow through, and I will not pine away waiting for you to come around. However, when we are “there”, I will be “there” – face forward, and full force. Be sure not to lead me on, and to say what you feel. I am a big girl and I can take it, and I’d rather my feelings be “hurt” than have matters go unsaid.

Yours very truly, Singlegal.

So, think I can fit this all into a dating profile response? I didn’t even mention how much I love playing with my Twitter …

For a male perspective on the “Sweet” and “Cute” discussion, please check out my friend Red Wine Gums blog on the matter.

And, for a post I could not have written better myself, please see this entry from One Date Wonder.

And I welcome a new blog friend, The Relationship Artist. Check out his blog here.

I look forward to YOU. All of you, and everything about you. This is ME.

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